19/12/13

result's day

the night before this happened, i actually cant sleep. yeah i know i can never sleep but that night i really couldnt sleep, like i tried to sleep at 5 but then i cant sleep soundly, i feel like my body was playing with me, they brought me somewhere in my dreams to play games so i ended up gatal sini, gatal sana until it was 7. then mama woke up. i slept with her since baba is outstation-ing. i was really hungry but i wasnt that kind of hungry that food can complete you, it was like you hungry for nothing. but mama forced to get ready because we need to go get breakfast then nope tak jadi because we were late. it was almost ten that time. yep. TEN.

'ma, kenapa kena datang awal'
'pukul 10 dorang dah bagi results'

okay, mama excited. i dont need to disagree since well, what kind of mothers who dont get excited. before we go to school, mama said to me 'mama rasa bella boleh dapat asrama, mama rasa bella dapat 7a' i dont say anything back. i dont want her to hope. i, myself dont even think about it. nak ikutkan, i dont want to go to school at all, i mean like pmr kut, benda dah lepas buatpe nak tahu results. but mama kan. i came to school lepastu bila mama dah parked, i asked mama to turn around, to go back to our house because i forgot to take something walhal tengah nervous tu. tengah malas. tengah rasa nak baring baring lagi. when we arrived to school, i was with my mom the whole time because i was just afraid to go talk to my friends. so duduklah dekat bangku depan bilik spbt for almost an hour then we need to beratur at foyer b. wow this is getting intense. 

i was not shaking. i was not nervous. my heart wasnt beat faster. i felt almost nothing. but i calmed myself tho. i thought to myself 'jangan expect lebih, kau tu dahlah kuat tidur time pmr. main main pula'. sumpah, lepas je habis pmr, i taught myself to not think about it. i dont put high hopes because im so tired with hopes. it was simple. kalau orang tanya;

'kau target berapa?'

'tah, tak target pun. malas nak fikir'

'tapi takkan takde target langsung'

'5a camtu.'

thats why you never saw me tweeting about pmr stuffs because i dont really care about my results. sebab i know im not going to get good results. i even asked my mom if i can stay home. sebab do you know? dari awal tahun lagi, aku dah check dekat web if theyve soalan bocor for 2013. masa pmr dulu, time exam bm buat karangan takde idea, buat pasal running man. masa agama, apa yang target keluar dekat sirah tak keluar langsung. keluar abu hurairah, main hentam je, aku tulis apa yang umum. pastu boleh lak tu, lepas balik dari sekolah, aku cadang nak tidur jap last last terlajak sampai 4 pagi. tu lah. tak sempat nak study geo for the last time. baca bi for literature pun kabut semacam. nak nangis takleh. but aku ingat geo ok lah kut, sebab dah selalu buat latihan kan. sekali time exam tu, apa yang aku buat latihan tu tak keluar langsung. hampeh. tawakkal. masa maths, boleh kan lepas habis buat paper 2 aku terus tidur dalam kelas sebab malam tu tak tidur pun sebab study kh. kh? ah jangan cakap. yang aku ingat, aku banyak buat double, triple, quadruple. tu pun tawakkal gak tu. 

fuhhhh cikgu fitri yang umumkan. cikgu fitri umumkan untuk yang dapar straight a's je. 7a's, 8a's & 9a's. terkejut gak bila 7a's ada 2 orang je. i said to myself 'jangan pandang mama kalau tak dapat good results' sebab i couldnt help myself to cry. rupa rupanya tu untuk india je, sebab dorangkan takde ambil agama so dorang ada 7 subjects je. then kena beratur, ajak mama gi beratur sama sama tapi mama taknak. mama cakap 

'tu kawan kawan bella semua beratur mana ada parents. pergilah'

haih mama. tadi excited sangat eyh. mula mula beratur belakang, tapi cam lama je. so pergi ah tengok depan kan, tengok budak lelaki punya results. when it was about time, i was like 'teacher, jangan bagi budak lelaki tengok' so teacher took a peek and then she said 'you've one subject spoilt' i took my slip and i took a glance of it, aku terus bangun and looked for mama. my eyes were teary but i still hold on. when i found her, i hugged her and she said;

'bella, nape ni'

'mama, bella dapat 7a 1b'

then mama terus ~(^.^)~ oh God, there i found it. the happiness i was looking for. the smile. the tears. to make her proud. it was indescribable. God knows how i felt that time, i was so suprised. i couldnt believe myself that i actually got that. i know it's not 8as but 7a's?!!! thats madness. i never know i can actually get it. im so grateful because i dont know. but it doesnt matter, mama is so happy with my results, and thats enough. too enough for me. called baba but since baba's at india, and there doesnt have a good line, so he texted me saying congratulation for my upsr. yeah. thats my dad. :)

my friends, they did a great job too. congrats to yalls. ^^ i know some of you arent happy, but be grateful alright? there are people who failed. but doesnt mean you fail, you fail in life. move on. spm is harder so lets just hope that you can get thru it with flying colours. for those who get straight a's, congrats too! i love you guys.

if you guys think im riak, im so sorry but i was just so happy because i dont know, im too happy. this is way too enough. i couldnt ask for more. (i said this for the millionth time) and some of you might think 7a's is nothing compared to straight a's but it's everything to my family. 

thank you Allah. thank you for everything.

miracles do happen.

alhamdulillah.