i cant believe everything is related. i got what i want and at the same time i lost what i need. the feelings are so.. it's aching me. im so dumb to think that this time i'll make it. wasnt it funny, the way you treated me. i'd think about it. i thought i'll be able to breathe again. i thought this time, someone will always stay beside me but knowing the real me, they left. they all left. again. for something better. for something that dont worth it. and if only i knew, im just the same as the things that dont worth it. maybe it's because im bored. maybe because i dont get to pretend to be happy for them. maybe because im too happy with my own world. maybe because i dont know how to make people stay. who knows? them. it's all my fault, my fault. i dont know how to deal with things. but i do know how to deal with my pain. it's just with "give em some time, it will heal" but it'll leave scars.
scars that remind me how weak i am.
one person walked away. im okay. two person, okay then, alright. three person? i lost three person for only a month? am i that bad? am i holding on the wrong thing? my happiness doesnt last long. and i dont get to be happy as i really used to be. im sorry for thinking that if i open myself, they would care. im sorry for myself. im so sick. im so sick of people. i want to move away. i dont want to be a judgemental so i ll shut my ears and close my eyes. i will be in my own world. i will never be okay. my misery will never end.
i guess people come into my life to take my ugly soul as they're healing each day, and they ll keep coming and i ll hide it. i ll pretend that i dont care because that's the only way for me to hurt people.
dont ignore me. dont. just dont when im shutting down myself. do you hear me?
